I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize