Just took my morning after pill in the library
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
