my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
