see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
