..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
