im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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