tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
