Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
