her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
