it wasn't lemon gatorade
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
