i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
