Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
