I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
