There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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