Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
