i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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