were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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