Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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