i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
