I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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