my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
