We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
