do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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