how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
