some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
