I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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