I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize