You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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