and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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