3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
