Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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