as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
