This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
