Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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