cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
