There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
