Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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