i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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