is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
