You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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