Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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