I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
