If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
