Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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