Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
