i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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