and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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