I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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