is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
