He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
