mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
