so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
