I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
