that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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