They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
