All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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