Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
