You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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