distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
