You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
