Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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