i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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