Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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