I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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