I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
