At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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