I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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