if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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