If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
