Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize